<CS> Beauty and Storytelling Contest <ENDED>

[Tisha]

Oops, I forgot to judge. Oh well, there's some new entries. Judging begins in approximately 30 minutes time.

[Stormchase Stables]

Oops, I forgot to judge. Oh well, there's some new entries. Judging begins in approximately 30 minutes time.

Hasn't it already been over 30 minutes?

[Tisha]

Oops, I forgot to judge. Oh well, there's some new entries. Judging begins in approximately 30 minutes time.

Hasn't it already been over 30 minutes?

Shhhh. I'm training your horse.
Okay, I'll start.

[Stormchase Stables]

Hasn't it already been over 30 minutes?

Shhhh. I'm training your horse.
Okay, I'll start.

So excited ( mostly for other people 'cause I wasn't feeling too creative the day I wrote my story )

[Tisha]

I'll write a review of each story and give points. The one who gets the most points win first, then so on and so forth. It's upon 100 points.

[Meyersdale]

is it ok that i didn't type a story?

[Tisha]

Yay! It's finally up!
The following story is about the first few days of his life ( it's based on a real thing that happened with my friend's foal )
Here's the "main character" ( he's in my side account if that's alright with you ) :
*SS* Prince of Oaks

The newborn colt opened his eyes for the first time.
The midday sunlight nearly blinded him as he tried unsuccessfully to stand up. He uttered a faint whinny and flopped to one side, unable to get up.
His mother nudged him gently, and urged him to get on his feet.
Slowly, he raised one shaking hoof. Then the other. He was standing up! But he got too excited. In a flash, the world started to darken and he collapsed, his hind leg bent painfully under his body. He could feel that leg going numb, and his eyes rolled to the back of his head. Unconscious, his legs crumpled under him.
Hours later, he opened his eyes again only to see a masked creature with a flat face and no hair. It was am ugly thing, to him at least, with beady little eyes, wrinkles and odd little worm-like things attached to a soft, slightly hairy, flat hoof. A thin bluish thing covered its mouth and nose, and it was holding a sharp little needle.
The bizarre creature, which he later found out was a "human being", stabbed him with the needle in his injured leg.
He was alarmed, but thankfully it didn't hurt. A weird, tingling sensation spread from his leg to his body, then his head. He felt exhausted. It wouldn't hurt to take a tiny little nap, would it?
He closed his eyes and immediately passed out.
He woke up with a start. He was curled up next to his mother, enjoying the warmth of her furry body.
He was grateful to be out of the cold, white room with the "human" in it.
He felt at ease, because wherever his mother was, he was happy.

Beauty Component: 39 /50
I like his dun coat along with his training sheen. He is handsome. Points for training sheen and unusual colour. The only thing I dislike is his weight. And his ribcage perhaps could be a little deeper. (My personal opinion)

Story component: 40/50
Kudos to your story, since it was the first one I read, I felt it was quite creative. With good english and grammar. Still, isn't there like a bit of a plot hole? Something that shows how close he is to his dam?

Total tally: 79
Rating: Great!

[Tisha]

is it ok that i didn't type a story?

You'll just score 0 for the storytelling component.

[Stormchase Stables]

Beauty Component: 39 /50
I like his dun coat along with his training sheen. He is handsome. Points for training sheen and unusual colour. The only thing I dislike is his weight. And his face perhaps could be a little longer. (My personal opinion)

Story component: 40/50
Kudos to your story, since it was the first one I read, I felt it was quite creative. With good english and grammar. Still, isn't there like a bit of a plot hole? Something that shows how close he is to his dam?

Total tally: 79
Rating: Great!

Wow I'm surprised I didn't think I'd get a good rating!
Hmm, yeah, I should have worked on that. Maybe take his mother away from him.
But thanks, I really enjoyed this contest!

[Meyersdale]

ok that sucks

next time i will type one