Storm's Story-Freewriting Contest! CLOSED

[Platinum]

Main Character:
Gladiator

On a stormy and dark day, Gladiator of {PLP} was born.
His dam, a beautiful dark Belgian mare named Black July, nudged him gently with her muzzle, urging him to get to his feet before the storm wrecked the barn.
Gladiator blinked once, twice, and stood up shakily. He wobbled around, and glanced at his dam. Black July nickered, and they walked slowly towards a safer barn. Just as they had reached their new home, strong gusts of wind knocked their old barn down, leaving only a very suprised horse standing in the wreckage. It was Roan Rockstar, Gladiator's lazy uncle.
"Come over here! It's safe!" Black July whinnied, shielding Gladiator from the piercing wind with her immense body.
Will I ever grow to be as big and strong as them? Gladiator thought, watching his dam and uncle closely as Roan Rockstar stumbled through mud and puddles.
The huge bear-like stallion reached the barn. He loomed over his nephew, muscles gleaming with sweat and rain.
"This is your son, July? He's a wee little thing," Rockstar boomed, and swished his tail.
"He'll grow," Black July replied defensively. "He's just a colt,"
But Gladiator wasn't so sure. Rockstar and July were just so muscular and big! How could he ever be like them, with their strong legs and thick necks?
He silently made a promise to himself: He was going to be the strongest, biggest, most powerful Belgian around. Even better than Roan Rockstar. He would make his dam proud.
*
Months later, when Gladiator was nearly a yearling in the hot month of August, his sister Peridot was born.
Gladiator was waiting anxiously in the Foals pasture, excited and nervous to meet his new sibling.
His human, Kiara, rushed out of the barn. "A filly! A filly colored like 24 carat gold!" She called out, and raced over to Gladiator so that he could meet his little sister.
She was a cute little thing, with tiny white spots on her gleaming golden coat. She opened her eyes, and looked at Gladiator with emerald green pupils.
Black July lay down beside her daughter and quietly whispered, "Peridot. Her name will be Peridot. Her eyes are so beautifully green and she was born in August."
Peridot's sire, Enigma of *DE*, who was a stud, looked proudly upon his only daughter and reared up, as if daring the other stallions to come close to his offspring.
They were a happy family for a while, until Kiara came back with a new human. This one was more sinister-looking. A male, Gladiator could tell by his smell. It had no mane on top of its head like Kiara did, and it looked strong and not-so-happy.
"Where's the foal?" He shouted in a gravelly voice. Kiara showed him Peridot.
"Weak, weak," The human stallion sighed. "50 strength and 36 stamina. I would get rid of it,"
Kiara looked sadly at Peridot, and then grabbed a rope. She tied it to Peridot, and led the newborn away into a black barn. Gladiator heard a loud squeal, then nothing.
"Where is Peridot? Where has she gone?" Gladiator and Enigma neighed at the same time.
"The humans have rehomed her.. We'll never see her again," Black July sobbed. Enigma glared at the human stallion and flew into a rage.
And as for Gladiator, he made another promise to himself.
He would become the best horse in this farm, for his sister. He would remember her always.
And so, 4 years later, Gladiator came home from the Pine Valley training farm, coat gleaming and muscles bulging underneath his skin.
Even his old uncle, Roan Rockstar, seemed weak compared to him. Gladiator towered over Heart, Wings and Red, the other horses in his pasture.
And when the time came for him to be entered in a Log Pulling competition, he was ready.
That's when he knew his promise was fulfilled.

[Stormchase Stables]

judging tomorrow!!! (11 am, Central European time )
Enter while you still can!

[Toadally]

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I decided to write something after all . Hopefully reading a lot of books where you see from other peoples perspective help me, so this will be another horses perspective story .
*T2* Catching Fire

My story started when I was born in the meadow of a farm called Heartland. My mother was a huge blue roan mare with a few snowflakes across her broad head. I was a dark roan color with a little white patch near my flank. The first thing my mother ever told me was That i had fire in my eyes and that would be my name. I looked up to find her protecting me from a large herd of other varied horses. I was told by my mother that the only thing you could trust was your herd so by the next morning my mother and i were in the very center of it. I noticed a strange creature called a human coming twords my mother and I, but she didn't seem to mind it at all. Those days I spent on that sweet little farm were short lived because by the time I was a yearling I would be sold to a horrifying place.

I had just turned a year old and i was nearly bigger than my mother, my color had changed to a lighter roan and I had a bit more white on my backside. That day a tall skinny man had come with a large trailer on the back of his truck. But this time it was empty. People often came here with other Belgian horses selling them off to live a retired life here. This man though had come for me. He threw a rope around my neck and dragged me into the trailer. I could not resist though because that rope was sharp with scratchy pieces jutting out all over it. It dug into my neck and it stung worse than a bee sting. As the trailer was shut behind me I let out a long sad neigh to say farewell to my mother and the only herd i had ever known.
We got to the stables of the other farm which I had found out was called Black Oak farms. I Was placed into a stall near another horse named Buxton. He was quite old and frail his head hung down like a wet rag and his tail barely twitching at the flies. There was oats in the trough which I usually quite enjoyed but these oats were rotten and moldy. After one day sleeping at my new home a man came out and asked me with a snicker "are you ready to earn me some money". I did not know what it meant at the time but i would soon find out.

That day I was taken into a massive arena. They first tried to put a harness on me and I had already had covers over me at night so this felt quite the same so i stood and let them. The man then gave me a fresh sugar cube and i took it willingly. Then they hooked me to something with chains they tapped me and said "Get moving". I knew what they wanted but i was told to never fully trust a human so I stood there. The man then did the most awful thing i can remember, he said " Oh, so you want a kiss from Uncle billy, eh?" He then called a big man out from the side and he told him to give me a "kiss" and with a thwack he hit me full on with a whip. I felt a throbbing pain shock my back end, blood dribbled out over my back and i started to to get nervous. They told me to move so this time I did and I got a sugar cube again. This went on every day but instead of giving me a sugar cube they started whipping me harder and harder getting me to strain my muscles and hurt my self pulling the backbreaking weight that was seemingly attached to me.

That went on for years, almost 4 to be exact, until one day they loaded me up and took me to my first competition. before it started they trained me harder than ever whipping me until I bled and had gashes left on my back end. They used a special grease to cover the gashes and scars so no one would see them. I saw the man off in the distance bringing a young filly back closer to me. When the filly saw me she tried to run because I was the only horse near her even though i was a stallion. I heard the man snicker" if this boy doesn't do well i just use this filly in his place." Thats when i knew i had to change things. I could never let another horse go through what I did. I was set out on a field with other horses like myself, but in the back of my mind I knew what i had to do.

The race had begun, I set one foot in stead of the other steadily I looked to my right and I saw a horrifying thing the very stallion that was next to be in the stalls was in this race his mouth foaming at the bit his eyes rolling and his feet stomping. That when I set out to win I steadily progressed to the end taking 1st place, but in the end when I was release from the pressure I rolled in the grass and let the grease peel away from my skin. The grease revealed old scars and a fresh dribble of blood had started from training. When the judges saw that they immediately checked all the other horses. I along with the filly were taken back to heartland to retire or as it's said start a new life and live a new dream. The first horse I saw was my mother as soon as we saw each other we went running. As it turned out the filly was my sister, and I was glad to see that she had not gone through what I did. This is the very place my journey started and the very place it will end.


And thats the story I wanted to tell. im not sure about winning with all of these great stories but I am sure that a horse like that could make a difference .

[Stormchase Stables]

Stories/poems will be rated in 5 categories.
Vocabulary/Grammar: Out of 100
Originality: Out of 100
Details: Out of 100
Plot: Out of 100
Character(s): Out of 100
I will then add up all the points and whoever gets the most wins.
I will be extremely critical, but remember - all your stories/poems are awesome and these are merely suggestions/my opinions.

[Stormchase Stables]

I liked the idea of the previous storytelling contests, so I'm going to host one!
Here's how to participate:
Enter 1 to 4 horses. Write a story about it/them, have as many characters and paragraphs as you want.
I'll be giving you more good marks if your horses are good looking!
I judge somewhat harshly, being in a Creative Writing course and all
I like good vocabulary and lots of detail, but I don't judge how good your English is if you're not fluent.
RULES:
-Must be YOUR story! Don't copy and paste
-Must be YOUR horse(s)!
-Only enter on ONE account!
-Horses can be on frozen/side accounts but must belong to you
-Should be a good story
-Can be any form of poetry
-Can be something that happened to you
PRIZES:
1st Place- 150k, a trained horse, 8 free breedings to a stallion I own of your choice
2nd Place- 80k and 4 free breedings
3rd place- 30k and 1 free breeding
NO RUNNER-UPS!
Contest is judged and ended when there are enough entries for me to choose from.
Enjoy!

http://www.horseworldonline.net/horse/profile/1184751

Most Wanted always dreamt of racing like his grandfather in the big leads and seeing other places. His mother doesnt want him to end up like some of her loved ones "dead". Soon time came and Most Wanted was sold to one of the best racing farms in America, his mother Risky Waters was heartbroken watching her son go of and experence the same fate as her previous son Dark Kisses.

Most Wanted soon started racing like he dreamt of when he was a mere colt but then something happened that shook the ground itself as the famous stallion fell for a new racing mare Bullet for my Valentine
( http://www.horseworldonline.net/horse/profile/1181266 ) so to he knew it was forbidden to love another racehorse but his heart said otherwise as this beautiful creature inchanted him.

As the years went by love bloomed between the two.

"Oh Most Wanted do tell me when il be able to run with you in the medows my love?" asked Bullet for my Valentine as he came to the fence that kept them apart "my sweet angel soon we will very soon" he whispered to her as he saw five humans standing by her paddock talking

"how much?" asked the stranger in blue "well she is one of my best racing mares and her genes are good so she will make a excelent broodmare for your stallion" spoke their owner in admiration "price mr. Grey?" snaped the man in blue again "200000 And she is yours mr turner" the man in blue smiled and looked at Most Wanted's way smirking "il take her"...

Asif ice was thrown on him he reared and wined out in sorrow getting a worried glance from Valentine which only made it worse so he did what he did best he ran and ran as far away as he could from her, the loss of his love forever branded in his mind of the inchanting creature she was would gallop threw his mind once in a while caling out to him in regret and sorrow...

A week has past since she left and Most Wanted was devistated, he was losing his touch ad was weakening, while his owners struggled to come to an conclusion he wished his pain of loss would go away but it never did as it was the last thing he did he got an heart attack causing Most Wanted to realize as love almost made him give up his whole dream "Racing" sadness spreaded threw him but he ignored it as his only goal wish the gates and the finishline that called out to him like his human does him...

With some miricle Most Wanted healed completely and was ready to rock and roll... stepping in the gates he snorted and smiled seepishly as the feeling of his jockey on his back and the insults of other stallions as freedom and excitement spreaded threw him as the doors sprang open with a bang making him jump foward and do what he does run to win... The end

VOCABULARY/GRAMMAR: 40/100. There were good words, and then some slightly repetitive ones. Your English is good, apart from some mistakes: Capitals, punctuation, words spelled wrong (meadow, miracle.. etc.).
ORIGINALITY: 60/100. I really enjoyed your story! It was great, and at some times it could get really tense, I just wanted to read on!
DETAILS: 60/100. Good amount of details, but just add a little more.
PLOT: 70/100. I think your story's missing a little something. How did he heal? How did Valentine feel towards him? Did they ever see each other again?
CHARACTERS: 80/100. I breed racehorses (or used to) and Most Wanted and Bullet For My Valentine are simply great horses. I like how you described them, two racehorses who love each other, how their love was forbidden, how he dreamed of being a racehorse when he was young..
Good job! You scored 310 points!

[Stormchase Stables]

Snowy Pepper

This horse's name is Snowy Pepper. She has somewhat of a stripe. TOkay, maybe not really a stripe, more like half her body. This came from her father, Roi Filippe. He was a beauty. Very pretty indeed. The two colors of Snowy Pepper were beautiful to admire, but one day got her into very big trouble.
Snowy Pepper was pacing around in her green pasture with two of her friends. She seemed restless, but no one knew why. When one of her fellow horses came over to try to comfort her, she put her ears flat back and tried to bight. {Talk about a moody pony!!} Snowy Pepper snorted and wandered to the far corner of the pasture, where there wasn't much grass. As Snowy looked around more, though, she found part of the driftwood fence broken. She nudged it with her muzzle and it was even looser then she thought. The nighttime came, and Snowy Pepper decided to stay in the corner. She could feel the eyes of the horses in her own pasture and the ones next to hers. She just snorted and closed her eyes and slowly drifted into a restless sort-of sleep.
A peculiar noise awoke Snowy Pepper with a start. She looked around to see her friends sleeping huddled against the late fall wind. She turned back and looked out the pasture with her ears as far up as she could get them. There was a noise in the bushes. Snowy didn't move. She hears a whisper and then sees two men wandering around, coming from the direction of the barn.They had some of the horse equipment but they also had money, probably from the office, and a few things Snowy Pepper had seen from outside. She whined. The men turned towards her. One stuck his hand out and she bit it. He pulled it back and slapped her, hard on the side of the head. The other smiled, his nasty yellow teeth shining. "Why don't we just take it with us. Look at the coloring, I bet we could make a few hundred off of that." He snickered. "I won't be the one leading the stupid beast." said the one Snowy Pepper had bit. "Fine, but let's get this done fast." The people slipped one of the halters they had stolen onto Snowy Pepper {without much ease} and hooked on a lead rope. The tore off the loose board in the fence and broke another so Snowy could get through. Snowy would not move when they pulled on the rope. They pulled harder and still nothing. Finally, Snowy neighed as load as she could and reared up. She put her ears back and frightened the men so much the dropped all their stuff and ran. Then, Snowy Pepper chased after them, urging them to go faster and faster. Without their knowing, she herded them towards the barn, where the owner, DragonHorse!!, was asleep next to another horse who had fallen badly ill. Snowy neighed again and woke her owner. Her owner then captured the thieves and tied them up and called the cops. She put the stolen goods away and gave Snowy a huge carrot and a good rubbin' for the thanks.
The end!!

VOCABULARY/GRAMMAR: 50/100. Mainly good - punctuation should be changed/added in some parts. Your English is very good, I've only spotted very few spelling mistakes. (bight = bite) Your story is in past tense, right? I spotted some present tense, there seems to have been a mix up. Also, I'd appreciate paragraphs- all these words bunched together can be hard to read.
ORIGINALITY: 60/100. I've seen so many horse-thief stories I've lost track of them. (Not just in this contest) Writing about, let's say, horses with dragon wings would be a little more creative, and would be a direct reference to you username
DETAILS: 80/100. Very good! I liked how you wrote about one of the thieves' "nasty yellow teeth" or the driftwood fence. I would have liked to know what Snowy Pepper looked like without having to look at her picture, though.
PLOT: 60/100. Again, I've seen stories like these before. Shouldn't there be something about Snowy Pepper's loyalty to her fellow stablemates or her love for her owner, for example?
CHARACTERS: 70/100. Maybe add one more character, or describe Snowy Pepper's owner. (That would be you lol)
Yay! You scored 320 points!

[Stormchase Stables]

Love this idea! Here's my entry





I took on Peri as a beautiful 5-year-old Arabian mare after a friend of mine, Sally, who had bred her, became terminally ill. This incredible mare had blossomed into a stunning colour and I had promised Sally that I would look after her, continue her training and compete her as an endurance horse whilst she focussed on getting her health back.

Peri very quickly became a sort of mother figure to my mares. She was by no means the oldest or wisest but she had that calming, sweet nature. She had a natural talent for endurance which was enhanced by her ability to remain unphased by anything. We had some great wins together and I tried to keep Sally updated with photos and videos as much as possible but it wasn’t the same for her.

After months in the hospital and over a year of rehabilitation, Sally’s health deteriorated once more. She was critically frail and the doctors couldn’t be sure that she would see it through. Although weakened by her illness, Sally still had determination and she had one wish to see Peri.

I, of course, was all for the idea of Sally coming to the yard to see Peri. At first, I was sad to see such a strong woman in such a fragile state. She was sunken into her wheelchair and connected to various tubing but what stunned me the most was Peri. This notoriously calm mare was whinnying and circling her stable. Her ears attentive, her eyes widened. She knew.

I led Peri out of her stable as Sally approached. Peri was excitable but remained still. When Sally was within touching distance, Peri lowered her head, breathing heavily as she controlled her excitement. Sally placed her hand on Peri’s head, right between her eyes. A smile emerged. A tear fell. A moment that would be cherished because that moment right there changed everything.

Over the next week, Sally went from strength to strength. A year later she was a different woman. Her illness had left her as an occasional wheelchair user but that didn’t stop her determination and love for horses. She regularly visited Peri and even managed to get back in the saddle.

Peri and Sally were a team made for each other. Strength, focus, calmness, determination, hard work and natural talent made them so well-suited. That brings me to today. I’m writing this story because 6 years ago, Sally became so ill that she could no longer care for Peri and today, I’ve just witnessed them win their first Endurance race together. This one's for Peri, our little miracle mare.

Haha, this wasn't my idea. A few other players had their own versions of Writing Contests.
VOCABULARY/GRAMMAR: 90/100. I think I only found one or two mistakes, and your vocabulary is very good! I would have liked to see some words replaced with more detailed ones, like sad - depressed, miserable, broken-hearted.. etc.
ORIGINALITY: 70/100. I feel like I've read a few books like this, not saying it's exactly like them there were several things that you could maybe change to make it more original but you still got a good score for this category!
DETAILS: 80/100. Great! I love that there isn't so much detail that my brain explodes, but not too little to make your story seem vague.
PLOT: 70/100. What about Peri? How did she feel? How do you know a bond existed between her and Sally?
CHARACTERS: 80/100. Yesssssss I love these characters, I wish you would add on a little more detail though, like what Sally looked like, or how Peri was before and after Sally got sick.
Woohoo! You scored 390 points!

[Stormchase Stables]

.

The foal's pale brown body slipped onto the grass. He panicked slightly, he was cold, his chest hurt - why did it hurt? The newborn weakly thrashed and he gasped his first breaths. It felt great; his chest did not hurt anymore but his face was freezing! He lifted his head, opening blue eyes onto the dark, blurry form of his dam.

Her sides heaved slightly as she lifted her lying body to gaze at him. He stretched his to her and found he could not reach her face. His mother shifted slightly and, to his astonishment, stood up. Her body dragged the wet, sticky membrane off his body. He shivered and stared at his mother.

His pale eyes switched to binocular vision as he studied her with tortilla ears stiffly focused on her. What a fascinating thing to do, to stand! Perhaps he should try?

Before his trembling body could move, the mare, Sands, sauntered to him. Sands snuffled the bits of membrane that remained on the colt's rump. She started to lick and bite at it. The colt moved his head, constantly trying to get up. He hated this 'lying down'. It made his one side, the right side that was touching the ground, feel like his body did when he was evicted from his lovely - however cramped - warm and dark home.

The colt extended his gangling legs to either side of his front. He wanted to get up but did not know what to do. He shook his head in irritation and flicked his ears before settling them near pinned to his head. His mother walked to his head; she nuzzled his face.

"Get up," she said, in words-that-were-not-words. "don't you want to play?"

With whom? he thought to ask and yet knew not how to. With what?

Sands lick her baby's ear. Her sweet, pale, little colt with white legs and dark points. He was of a similar, although darker, colour than that of his hazel-eyed, amber cream sire. He looked little like her green-eyed, wild bay self. He was her first foal - the only foal she would ever have, she was sure. Her previous foals were born still, so still. The browns, the bays, the buckskins... too still, too pale.

This colt of hers would live! He would grace the world with his coat of cream and legs of white! With his wide, pale eyes and attitude of majesty. He would be fast, fast as the wind as his sire was. He would be strong enough to leap over the great hedges of the steeplechase. Yes, her only foal would be nothing but perfect!

Her colt pushed with his front legs, half getting up but forgetting his back ones. He stumbled and fell back down. This, however, reminded him that the had four legs, not just two. This time, still wobbly, he lifted himself up. Front legs out and then back. His chest swelled and he pranced to his mother. Look what I did! he wanted to say.

His mother snorted at her fool colt, as the foal had no co-ordination for stumbling to her, let alone the proud, energetic step of a stallion or * yearling!

Said fool wore a look of irate indignation with pinned ears, flared nostrils, narrowed eyes and slashing tail. The mare felt to laugh as much as a horse could do so. Oh, the hilarity of a wet foal, covered still in amniotic fluid mixed with blood giving a look of such vexation!

The repeated his first success at standing. This time, however, he cautiously trod to his dam's flank - a pleasant smell he could not identify originated there. Not that that said much; after all, what could he identify but the smell of his mother, the earth, wood and grass?

That almost startled him as he realised that only he and his mother were in the paddock. He strangely felt as if there should be more horses: mares, fillies, other colts and a stallion. He drew himself, nervously, to his mother. Maybe if he went closer to the unknown smell, the thing smelling of warmth, comfort and something that made his stomach feel empty and his throat parched.

His neck twisted in a way that looked uncomfortable as he drank the sweet milk of his dam. It filled him with its delight and warmth; it made him feel excited! His legs, filled with warmth and light and life and sheer energy pranced and bucked and galloped around his dam in the clear, chilled night.

Sands nickered at him, her beautiful foal, and cantered with him, slow and steady as he sped around the paddock with all the grace of a morbidly obese walrus. They played, dam and colt, for an uncounted time; taking simple joy in the moment with each other.

VOCABULARY/GRAMMAR: 100/100. Great words/vocabulary, and perfect English! I've seen one mistake in the whole story, and I'm pretty sure it was an accident. Good job!
ORIGINALITY: 80/100. I've read countless foal-stories, but this one is probably one of the best. I absolutely love this story, there's so much more to it than all the other foal stories where the foal is born, tries to stand up, succeeds and bam- the end.
DETAILS: 100/100. Pretty much perfect. I think if you wrote a book and published it, it would become the next Harry Potter. I loved how you wrote about the colt being as graceful as a "morbidly obese walrus", and the "words-that-were-not-words".
PLOT: 80/100. Very good. But I would add on something more, it just feels like it's missing a bit. Like, how the colt felt about Sands - did he look up to her? Was she his idol? Did he ever know about his sire?
CHARACTERS: 90/100. I would like to know a little more about Sands. I know what color she was, but I don't know if she had a racer's build, or if she had a dished face, maybe she had a mohawk? The same goes for the colt, but I know it's a little harder to write about him since he was still a newborn in that story and his features could change.
WOW! You scored 450 points!!!

[Stormchase Stables]

I liked the idea of the previous storytelling contests, so I'm going to host one!
Here's how to participate:
Enter 1 to 4 horses. Write a story about it/them, have as many characters and paragraphs as you want.
I'll be giving you more good marks if your horses are good looking!
I judge somewhat harshly, being in a Creative Writing course and all
I like good vocabulary and lots of detail, but I don't judge how good your English is if you're not fluent.
RULES:
-Must be YOUR story! Don't copy and paste
-Must be YOUR horse(s)!
-Only enter on ONE account!
-Horses can be on frozen/side accounts but must belong to you
-Should be a good story
-Can be any form of poetry
-Can be something that happened to you
PRIZES:
1st Place- 150k, a trained horse, 8 free breedings to a stallion I own of your choice
2nd Place- 80k and 4 free breedings
3rd place- 30k and 1 free breeding
NO RUNNER-UPS!
Contest is judged and ended when there are enough entries for me to choose from.
Enjoy!

http://www.horseworldonline.net/horse/profile/1188556 - This is my horse that I am writing about, sorry I didn't know how to upload images.

Blondie raced down the hill, his short golden tail flapping about in the wind. Everybody had told him he wouldn't be able to do it. "Grade Horses don't get that far." or "Grade Horses can't race!" He had spent years training because even if he managed to become one of the fastest horses known, he still needed to gain everybody's respect. It all started when he was just a foal, he had been bred by a poor farmer and sold at a market. The farmer had stunned the crowds with this new "Exotic" breed, and Blondie had soon been payed for by a rich race horse trainer. When they reached the stables, everybody laughed at the trainer's stupid mistake. The trainer beat up Blondie, "How will I ever reach fame when I own you, Beast!" He had shouted while lashing out the whip at poor Blondie's back. Blondie would try to kick out and nicker, but the trainer would clutch his legs and hold them still. One afternoon, Blondie's gate was left open and he galloped; Out of the treacherous prison-like fields and into the forest behind. He stopped when the stables were way out of view and looked around. He wasn't tacked up at all, so nobody would know where he was from. He slowly made his way to the back of a cottage, the back of the fence had collapsed and so it was an effortless job to get inside. Blondie reached down and started to mow the overgrown garden with his teeth, every mouthful of grass felt sweet and nutritious. He had just began to relax when he heard a cry from inside the cottage, "Ma! There's a flipping horse in our garden! Ma!" Blondie's head shot up and watched as a smiling woman followed her young son outside. He could sense they were friendly as the woman held a carrot in her left hand and held it towards him. Blondie slowly took it and watched as the woman laughed, "I can't believe it Michael! This is the horse we saw all those years ago at the market, I'm sure of it!" The young boy smiled, he reached out his hand and Blondie allowed him to stroked him. "Really?" he asked, he could barely remember that day. All the pushing and shoving to see the "Exotic foal". But eventually he had managed to get a glimpse, a small golden foal with worried hazel eyes. "Where did you come from, fella?" The woman cooed, stroking him. Blondie had wished that he could tell them but even if he could, they would probably send him back to that horrid place. "Maybe he's from that race horse place, you know up the hill?" Blondie nickered at the sentence, and the woman looked up at him "You're probably right. We should buy him from them." It wasn't long before Blondie had become a part of Michael and Jude's simple life, but he knew he couldn't stay cooped up in their backyard for long and he dreaded the day he would be sent away somewhere else. But it turned out that it was nothing to worry about, Blondie was sent to Jude's sister, Tabitha. Tabitha was a friendly race horse trainer and she believed in Blondie, he was beautiful and talented and she knew he had potential. Years of training, pain, encouragement, support and Blondie was finally racing.


Blondie has won $1,679 which I know, doesn't actually seem a lot. But he has actually worked extremely hard. 99.9% trained in Speed, Strength, Intelligence, Agility and Balance. 99.8% in Stamina, 99.7% in Tempo and 99.6% in Movement. I didn't train him but when I bought him, it made me wonder how hard horses like Blondie actually work to get where they are. He's also currently up for stud for $1000 (I think) If anybody is interested!-

VOCABULARY/GRAMMAR: 80/100. Very good! Very few mistakes. Again, I'd appreciate paragraphs because this is a pretty long story and when it's all bunched up it makes it harder to read.
ORIGINALITY: 90/100. Very original. There was maybe one part or so that I think I've read in another horse story though.
DETAILS: 60/100. I have no idea how Michael and Jude feel about keeping Blondie in their backyard. I don't know how Tabitha feels about Blondie, either. More detailed words and sentences could be used to describe these things.
PLOT: 70/100. Blondie's origins and foal-hood is pretty unclear. I'd write a little more about that
CHARACTERS: 60/100. Okay, so we know how Blondie looks like. We know how he feels. But we pretty much know nearly nothing about all the other characters..
Woah! You scored 360 points!

[Stormchase Stables]

http://www.horseworldonline.net/horse/profile/1140773 - My 2nd Entry.

Prince

A dark prince,
So ruthless and bold.
Your eyes are like olives,
but your heart is stone cold.

A twisted ruler,
Your power is cryptic.
Your crown of black feathers,
is almost ecliptic.

A crooked lord,
But your beauty does flaunt.
Robes of violet satin.
You do love to taunt.

Emperor of the night,
You are the Prince of the day.
But you will also be stunning,
In your own way.

By TabbyWelch @ Grade Horses & More

You get 40 points more for having a second entry, but your first is going to be the one that will be judged.
Loved it, by the way!